It’s Been a While…

So, I haven’t posted anything to my site in a while, and sadly it was unable to be avoided. That’s one of the shittiest parts about CF if you get sick or rundown, there’s no toughing through it, you just have to endure…until its run its course.

Well, for me the past several months have absolutely SUCKED. I have had one problem after another, and rundown at its worst. So, I’ve been biding my time, and recovering as best I could.

While I couldn’t really do anything physical or even much of anything, I have been thinking about EVERYTHING a lot…and I think that’s one of the things about CF that’s strange. I’ve been told many times over my life that I have an “old soul.” And I’m guessing most CFer’s have as well. I think it’s a given when you have so much time to contemplate EVERYTHING. It forces you to “age, or grow up” faster than the average person.

Throughout my while life I’ve had older friends, I’ve dated people who are usually older than I am. And not purposefully…but, more out of a desire to have someone I can relate to better, they just so happen to be older.

So, being that the last few months have been difficult, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to accommodate life around being sick, and its not easy. I have however discovered a few things that may make it easier as I get older, if I get “older.” (not trying to be morbid, just realistic).

The Best way I can describe what I’ve been thinking about is simplicity, I need to develop my life around a simple set of needs, wants, belongings, activities, etc..

So, I have decided I want to look into the “Tiny House” movement, and find a way to work in some sort of field where I can do most of my work from home, it will probably be the only way I keep a semi-normal life…

Anyway, I have been sleeping very little and am trying to get this post up as a re-entrance into my posting schedule, as I’ve been out of the loop for so long now.

For that I do apologize, I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is…for now at least. So, to those who have read and posted in my absence I appreciate you greatly, and any new viewers I thank you for taking the time. it means a lot to me to be able to reach even the small number that I do.

Hopefully everyone has had a good summer, and enjoys the season change as much as I do…but, for now, have a good rest of the week and I’ll be posting more frequently now, hope you enjoy. Thanks again for stopping by!

Fellow CFer’s…breathe strong! And stay healthy!

Advertisements

Been Gone…

I haven’t made a post in a few days, been having a rough time CF stuff. But, I did want to make a post and throw it up…

I have noticed something lately that I don’t really know how to approach but ill try.

So, I don’t have nearly as many friends as I used to, I have acquaintances, and I have a few close friends. However, it is very hard to keep friends when you constantly have to disappear for several days at a time to tend to your health and physical ailments.

I have slowly lost fiends over the years for many different reasons some of which were my choice, some weren’t, some were ridiculous reasons, but then there’s those people who juts kind of fade away not for any particular reason. Those I think are the hardest to come to terms with. I was going through my phone the other day trying to clear out some old unused contacts and I noticed I was deleting a lot of “old friends” numbers…

It is something we all come to terms with when we start getting older people drift apart…its unavoidable. But, that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier to do or even accept.

Anyways, just wanted to throw it out there, if you have an old friend and you haven’t talked to them in a while, reach out. It is something we all need to do more of. We allow social media to kind of fill in that spot but really how many close fiends do you still have that you have had since say college? Its drastic how many people are out of my life that I never thought would be.

Mundane Monday

Well, it’s Monday again…no more weekend relaxation for five more days. I like everyone enjoy the weekend, and especially because it allows me to reduce the amount of time management I have to do in relation to my Cystic Fibrosis treatment, timetables, diet, etc. I can relax a bit on the weekends, and do things in a more slow paced fashion.

So, when the weekend comes around I start to get less stressed in general, and the reverse happens when the new week begins. I start to get stressed out, usually late Sunday, but sometimes not until Monday. Moreover, it always focuses around how I anticipate I am going to feel, and what I am going to have to do to compensate.

I’ve reached a point in my life where most of what I do is routine, and I’m used to it…it’s just my life. But, there are those few things that pop in and out of my routine, that throw a wrench into the gears. Some things become more pressing, some become less…creating a situation where I have to prioritize needs, instead of wants. In prioritizing needs things become extremely convoluted and, unless you’ve experienced it in such a defined way it is almost impossible to explain in a way which the average person could warp their head around.

You may be thinking to yourself I have had to prioritize needs before, and before you start assuming that I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill i’ll explain further. When I say prioritizing needs I don’t mean deciding between needing to get new shoes, or a new belt…or  deciding between needing to get a new piece of furniture or a new TV…or even something more personal like deciding between needing to fulfill a task given to you at work, or one given to you by a family member or close friend.

No, when I say prioritizing needs I mean deciding between needing to go to a Dr. appointment, or getting nutritional supplements…or deicing between refilling a prescription, or making sure you have enough food for the week. Maybe one of the worst of all deciding between what health information to share with family or friends, and what to keep to yourself…for fear of creating more stress or angst among those you love.

There are so many problems that we as CFer’s, anyone with a terminal, or lifelong illness face…some of them are easily adaptable, and some are so disconcerting that we would rather keep them bottled up than share, and have the possibility of allowing those problems to affect the ones we cherish. That is one of the harder parts of CF, it isn’t the coughing up blood, or aching all over, or even being stuck in the bathroom all day. It is watching those around you and feeling their pain as they look on helplessly. It is deciding between several things you have to have, and choosing between the MOST pressing of the issues on your plate to focus on. Making those choices of which need is more important, deciding what issues to keep to yourself, or even trying to shield the ones you love from your spilled over problems can sometimes be more taxing than any of the physical symptoms combined.

I guess that is the kind of problems I anticipate about the new week…what will pop up that I have to set other problems aside to focus on now? How will I approach the unapproachable amount of shit on my plate? And, how will I protect my loved ones from feeling, or even seeing my pain? They are questions I have yet to find answers to and I don’t think I ever will…

So, until I do figure out how to be “Superman” I will continue to do my best to put on a smile, move forward with my head up, but make sure I keep my chin down to avoid the unavoidable blows life throws at me (little martial arts pun). I will take things in stride, and try to keep my cool in all the shitty situations I am faced with, because that is what I have to do to keep my sanity, and to make sure the problems I have don’t become the problems of everyone around me, admittedly this doesn’t always work, but I will try regardless. I will smile, and laugh no matter how much of a terrible day I’ve had, and how badly I feel, because that’s all I have at times…is my inner strength, my will, and my ability to deal with the pain all day, but still smile.