Beard Trim Bound

It’s almost 2:20am and I’m still up and I’m pissed! I have been having a great f@cking day, now I woke up this morning feeling about the same as usual…but around 11:30am I got a boost of energy so I decided “hey I just got some new glasses the other day, so lets go get a hot shave and beard trim” so I get in the shower get my self going grab a couple boosts and I’m out the door.

I called ahead to the barbershop, Friends Barbershop up in the Johns Creek area, they told me to come one in they could get to me shortly. So I get up there, I was gonna have to wait for a bit, so I grabbed a drink and a magazine and waited for my turn in the chair.

Not too long and I was in the chair getting the barbers cape thrown over me, so I told them what I wanted and they went to work, cleaned up my beard, trimmed and straight razor complete! I’m paying and out the door, as I get out to the car my phone starts having a stroke, lol…then dead. Its done for. Luckily I’m right near the phone store.

So, I zip into Verizon and tell them what happened. they’re surprised the phone I had lasted me this long, apparently life span of smart phones is around 2 years…I’ve had my droid for almost 5…what can I say I have always taken good care of my things…part of the habitual OCD that comes with being a CFer. So, I plug it up at the store so they can see what’s wrong with it, and that it wasn’t something I did. Just wear and tear, so I look around for a bit, mind you I’m still a little behind on the whole tech, social media, phones, all that mess world. I just have many other things that come first and stuff like that is secondary or more like vigenary (20th).  “And for the record the progression is: 1st = primary, 2nd = secondary, 3rd = tertiary, 4th = quaternary, 5th = quinary, 6th = senary, 7th = septenary, 8th = octonary, 9th = nonary, 10th = denary, 12th = duodenary and 20th = vigenary.” -oxford dictionary.

Anyways..lol…so pick out a new phone after looking for a bit, one of the things that bothers me about these smartphones I how big they all are almost like DVD cases. not to mention being $400.00-$800.00 for a damn cell phone, wow. But I find one that’s probably the smallest one in the store width, and height-wise. I get all my stuff backed up and transferred to the new phone, decide I wanna use it for a few days to decide what kind of case I want to get etc. So, they slap the couple extra per month onto my bill and test call me and I’m out of there. I will say they’re pretty damn efficient, even if they’re trying to upsell you until the second you set foot out the door, no worries its sales, I get it.

I stop by the “adult beverage store” as I’ve had a pretty long day and am gonna need a stiff one when I get home and decide to eat some dinner, we had soft tacos, one of my favs. And I continue on with my night messing with my new phone getting it set up just like I like/want. I get comfy in bed and then all of a sudden my stomach tightens up…”damn it I know what this means, so off to the bathroom…but, nothing happens, nothing happens, and still nothing happens. Now, I’m not gonna get to graphic but, I’m dying here straining, and turning red, lol. Well, after over an hour I say screw this, jump into a scalding hot shower and head back to bed, but with that feeling still, which is one of the worst…id rather be anything than bound up…ahhh. Oh well, just CF life.

Well, now its 3:20am and I’m still awake with a stomach ache, this sucks. hopefully ill be able to sleep soon, but who knows. So I sit here figuring out all the little peccadillos of my new phone, down to the background of my txt messaging screen…lol. Here’s the old OCD again, everything has to be PERFECT.  Moreover, balance, categorized, and even symmetrical, down to how many screens I can slide between…1 home and 2 on either side…you know cuz balance…lol.

BUT, its giving me something to do, so I’m cool with that. I have made my second adult beverage (wild turkey…just FYI) and am gonna find a good movie to watch…hope everyone’s weekend plans are set, and enjoy them!

GOODNIGHT!

 

 

 

 

 

Struggling

Its about 1pm on Friday, and I’m struggling pretty badly. Haven’t been feeling too good this week at all, I’m definitely having a rough week to say the least. Just a couple of the things that have been ravaging me this week:

  • Cold –> hot –> cold –> hot –> Freezing…this weather where I live is strange to say the least. When it goes from hot to cold like this, especially this often, my body has to adjust and readjust, and it makes things incredibly hard.
  •  I had some kind of food poisoning, or at the very least a nasty stomach bug. Been in the bathroom a lot. When I’m not, I’m in bed trying to keep myself in the absolute    “right position” so my body can relax and give my abdomen a break.
  • Then there’s the outside stressors that have added onto the joy of this week like getting a notice that my car insurance is going up, and I still can’t find a reasonably priced health insurance.
  • Also, had a death in the family…my Grandmother’s brother died a few days ago, and when people around me die it makes me wonder how I am outliving these people who die for no reason, meanwhile I’m sitting here struggling to breathe, and I’m still alive. Just a weird sort of mind job I’d rather go without.

So, ya that’s what my week has been, riding the struggle bus for sure, but not because of a hangover or anything where I had too much fun. Just the regular old BS that having a chronic illness brings to the table. That’s also the reason I haven’t blogged in several days.

But, anyways…I am finally starting to get a little relaxation and some of these additional symptoms are going away. While I can I am going to try to get some stuff I need to get done handled. Hopefully everyone had/has a good week, and now weekend. Ill try to get up another post a little quicker next time. Hopefully today is the last day of this extra fun! Lol.

Sorry, I can barely think straight, so no CF tips, or body hacks on this post. I’ll add one the next time for sure.

Imagine…

So, it’s about 2pm and the Super Bowl is going to come on in a couple of hours, so with a small amount of time to kill, I am going to write this and then i’ll be done for the day, probably won’t post again until tomorrow. I am feeling pretty good today, aside from being congested a bit (the cold weather always does this to me) so I am trying to get some stuff done that I didn’t get done this past week.

As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I am seeking and trying very hard to find my place in this whole social media neighborhood, as well as finding my niche, if you will. Working a 9-5 is out of the question for me, getting creative about how to earn a living, and ways to create income while being happy at the same time is something I have been focusing on a lot recently. I find myself dreaming about being a spokesperson, or brand ambassador for clothes, cars, lifestyle consumer goods, etc. It is a bit daydream-esque I know, but it is my dream to be able to focus on my health, and have that focus be the platform for which I “sell” myself to companies showing the world what someone with Cystic Fibrosis can do with a bit of financial, or product backing. So, I have been researching what kind of companies “sponsor” people, and although there isn’t a lot of “individual sponsorship” for people who aren’t famous or star athletes, there are a few people who’s model I am going to try to follow, but in doing so I want to carve out my own path, something that really hasn’t been done much, if ever. Now, watch me transform my health, my life, and my community while dealing with the daily struggles of CF, but no holds barred. So, no filter, no censorship…the raw and real life that I live, but with the things I want and dream of being intertwined to a create a journey of regaining my former glory of health, so to speak. A full vision of what my life is, the roughest and best parts of it. Intertwined hopefully with some kinds of product, service, and financial support I am doing everything I can to attain. So a car commercial, a clothing commercial, a food commercial all rolled together and how it pertains to me and my health, the way I have to do certain things, and how those products or financial backing play a roll in what I do, when I do it, and how I do it. I realize there are a lot of “if’s” in the idea I am figuring out how to bring to fruition…there are already hurdles I had no idea I would run into, so I understand it’s very presumptuous to think I can do this or obtain the things I hope to obtain…it’s my dream though, and I am doing everything I can with what I have available to me to make it a reality, hopefully one day I’ll be looking back reading this saying “I did it, I’m here!”

How it looks in my mind: I wake up and the camera is already rolling “a day in the life begins.” I roll out of bed and do my morning coughing and hacking routine where I maybe reach for and drink, thanks to their sponsorship, my bottle of Gatorade.

Then I get all of my medications and treatments out of the way, while I play around on my computer or video game (given to me by the electronics company that sponsors me with their product’s) and relax while listening to my earphones…

As I finish up and start down to the kitchen to make some breakfast I open the fridge containing all the Boost, yogurt, etc. that I can consume, with the help of their generous sponsorship, my product placement is me nourishing my tired, sore, weak body with a couple of chocolate Boost’s and a yogurt to get my blood sugar up.

Next is bathroom and shower time, this is my personal time to get my mind right, and allow the hot water to reduce the tension in my muscles and relax my body…afterwards I use my skincare, or sore muscle creams to ease the rest of the pain and continue my day.

I come out to head on in and get dressed, depending on the day’s tasks, appointments, business meets, etc. I reach for a certain garment of clothing provided to me by my favorite outdoor apparel company, or if it’s serious business, I select a suit and tie from the couple of tailored suits given to my by a generous men’s business attire company. I then throw on my New Balances, or my Sperry’s or my penny loafer’s…all depends on what I have to do that day.

As I finish up and get ready to head out, I go out and start the truck, sedan, or coupe generously given to me to get around, and act as a rolling advertisement, by my automobile sponsor. Which is decked out with ad placement in the form of stickers, or a certain “full-body” decal, or a window flag, maybe even a creative license plate, or paint job.

I head off to the meeting where I am doing a collaboration for a podcast, a meeting with a pharmaceutical company about their new allergy medicine, or their new version of a rescue inhaler, even something generically taken by many people Advil, or Tums…whatever company willing to throw their support being me, I will give my all in helping them reach the goals of said company.

Now, this is entirely fantasy based post, none of this real as of now, and none of these companies support me in any way, this is basically an: if I could wake up tomorrow and be in a world created totally by my dreams and wishes scenario. Idealistic would be good description…but, fantasy is more on point. This isn’t probably something that’s even possible to do, as most professional athlete’s don’t have this kind of sponsorship…but, just imagine…being able to focus on my health totally, not having to worry about what I was going to wear, how I was going to get form point A to B, what I was going to eat, if I was able to afford my medication, and doctor appointment. If it were all, or even partly covered by some kinds of help from the corporate world it would change my life.

These are the kinds of things I dream about…not luxurious trip’s, or expensive watches, the newest iPhone, the most sought after rims for a car, endless margarita’s, or anything of the sort. I dream of being able to, as If I didn’t have CF, just LIVE, to do the daily activities most people take for granted as they move forward in life purchasing their first car, their first home, having children, getting married. It’s not impossible, but it’s very improbable that I will have that kind of life, the Cystic Fibrosis is an incredibly heavy ball and chain that keeps me in the place I’m in, basically just keeping my head above water is requiring all of my energy and time. So, my dreams include the things that would allow me to flourish, or just have what most people consider “normal.”

Again, I know how this sounds, trust me I see it the same way, but that doesn’t mean I am not going to try…because you never know. Someone reading this could be a fortune 500 executive, and decide hey I like this guy’s idea, and id love to help him get his health back in order…let get the ball rolling…lol. I know, I know…but I can dream right? lol. Anyways, enough of this high fantasy, back to reality it is. Either way I appreciate you taking the time to check this out and have a great day, be safe while enjoying the Super Bowl.

“Off the record”

YES, it’s Friday afternoon, and I have had a rough week. However, most of the time the silver lining of CF or life in general is only visible behind a cloud of unpleasantness. I have been trying to raise some awareness to this invisible illness Cystic Fibrosis, that so few American’s have, and in doing so I have realized some things about people in our society. The term out of sight out of mind is an insane thought until you put some thought behind how YOU operate in your day to day life. Think about it, when you have a sick friend, or pass a homeless person in your car, or see a dog get beat by some dickhead it bothers you, however as soon as that next thing pops into your brain its replacing that “bad feeling.” Its not that we do these things on  purpose, its just in our nature.

Imagine what the world would be like if every time we saw a homeless person we stopped and helped them. If every time we saw a sick friend we did everything in our power to make sure they were on the path to getting better, or at least getting help. These thought have lead me to a silver lining thought: We need to put our money where our mouth’s are. So, I am going to start doing this at least once a week, I am going to go out of my way to help somebody, but here’s the catch, none of what I do is going to be recorded, or even shared with anyone. I am going to do everything I can to keep it between me and the person I am helping. I could be something as simple as helping an older lady load her groceries, or getting a meal for a homeless person without asking first, “just do it” (as NIKE says…

This isn’t really a new concept, but it is one that isn’t employed enough, we too often just go about our business. Sadly, I am guilty of this as are most if not all of us. So, I ask that you reach out and help someone at least once a week, if not once a day. I know that’s asking a lot of people who are already very busy, and spread thin. But, I believe we can make more of a difference than we feel we can as one person, if it’s a bunch of us doing it the results will be amplified greatly. Now, it can be someone you know, or a total stranger…but, please be safe while doing this. Some people are looking to take advantage of kind-hearted people so use good judgement. With the Super Bowl just around the corner we are all planning a party, or making arrangements for gluttonous amounts of food and drink to be available to us. Meanwhile, just down the road the man on the corner is starving and sleeping outside. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own problems we forget to reach out and realize that there is always someone who has it worse.

I have Cystic Fibrosis, it sucks horribly, it’s painful, and it makes most daily activities very difficult…if not impossible. But, I have a bed to sleep in, clean clothes to wear, and food to put in my belly. I’m not asking you to go give everyone who looks down on their luck $100 bill…I am asking you to give them a bunch of bananas, or allow the lady with a crying baby and three toddlers to go in front of you in the checkout line, simple things that can have a greater impact than the action taken.

Hopefully your week wasn’t too rough, and have a great weekend. Be safe, there will be crazy, drunk, idiot’s out driving around from party to party watching football, and consuming huge amounts of alcohol. Enjoy the game, RISE UP, and watch the Falcon’s win this thing!

Good Morning…kind of.

So, it’s only 10:30 and I’ve been up for about an hour. This sucks, lol, and after last night’s attack I kind of wanted to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep, but obviously that’s not happening. Well, this is pretty routine like I said in my last post…so, I’m sitting here enjoying a STRONG cup of coffee, and listening to some Dave. The fact that I’m used to this is telling especially since I just deal with it like any other day, while trying not to allow previous stress to creep into me after I’ve bypassed whatever is stressing me out…like an attack in the middle of the night.

Well, it is early and I’m still kind of trying to get my bearings, and shake off being pretty exhausted. On a positive note it feels like a did 1,000 crunches last night, and that’s cool…I guess…haha, ahhh! So, I’ll probably mess around until I’m awake enough to get some food in me, and rinse off the soreness in a scalding hot shower. Funny what the human body can become accustom to after it happens enough.

I’ll probably do another post this afternoon/evening sometime. So, I hope everyone has a great day. Again, if you’re following these blog posts I very much appreciate it. Spreading some knowledge about the unseen aspects of this invisible illness called Cystic Fibrosis is very important to me, and your help means a lot.

Cystic Fibrosis Late Night

Damn, I just had a late night “CF Attack,” these things suck! So, it’s 1:30 A.M., I haven’t been asleep but maybe 30-45 minutes, and boom I wake up coughing really hardcore…so much I ended up in the bathroom throwing up. Well, after I finish throwing up my stomach is in knots, I wait in the bathroom for a bit just in case, and then take a quick shower so I go back to bed. Well, now I’m laying in bed wrapped up in a bathrobe, and towel…but, I’m freezing my ass off because it dropped down so cold tonight, especially being that this afternoon was like 70º, this sucks badly. Also, I’m still coughing, and since I can’t go back to sleep like this I’ll probably be up for the next few hours being nauseous, cold, sore, with tense abdominals, and a horribly tight chest …oh yeah, don’t forget the heaving headache.

Lol, I know, as ridiculous as it sounds to deal with this is pretty commonplace. I’d say this happens at least once a day, sometimes I can go a few days without one, but then some days it happens all day long. Those are my hellish CF day’s…spent in the bedroom, or bathroom. Moreover, I usually can only consume Chocolate Boost’s, and yogurt on those days, as that is all my stomach will allow. But, now I’ve got to get my appetite up enough to eat something before I try to go back to sleep…yay…the fun of CF (sarcasm), lol. Sorry, if I don’t laugh at my problems I’d be a basket case!

I wanted to share this with y’all in real time, just to give you a better glimpse into the daily CF symptom’s forced upon us, and the toll it takes on our body. Everyone who has CF knows exactly what I am feeling like right now, and I hate that. Anyway, I am gonna try to  eat a yogurt, or something, and watch some on demand shows…maybe a movie. So, I say Goodnight to y’all, and if you’re reading this I appreciate it. If you know someone with Cystic Fibrosis reach out to them, if you’re dealing with CF it’s comforting sometimes just having that friend you can call to shoot the breeze with, someone to pull you out of the messed up head state instances like tonight throw you into so violently.

Reluctantly, here it goes…Help me breathe??

I have been trying to figure out a way to keep my health in good standings, with Cystic Fibrosis that is a huge undertaking. Many times it seems impossible, so with extremely deep reservations I am going to do this, something I have been thinking about for a while, frankly very scared to put myself out there. However, I reached a point of no return, I have to do this to keep taking care of my CF…I need some help!

So, I have created this blog site, a YouTube channel that is in the works, a Twitter account, and am in the process of checking out other platforms. I am trying to get some corporate type sponsorship’s to assist me in the endeavor of taking care of my Cystic Fibrosis. The financial strain on my family and myself is too great, I have no other options. I am wanting to get my health back to a place where it is not controlling every aspect of my life, but with CF that’s a very touch and go situation. I basically cannot afford having CF anymore, and desperately need some assistance. I have done some research and decided the best way to go about this was a sponsorship type situation. Basically, I want to try to get sponsored to document my transformation from being extremely sick all of the time, to getting myself back to where I was 10-15 years ago. With a little luck, and a lot of help from the business/professional community at large, I am hoping people will see this and want to take action in helping to fight this nasty disease called Cystic Fibrosis, to help me breathe…

I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and it is really the only way I can put my focus on my health, as doing so requires the other things in my life to take a backseat. I am trying to find sponsorship for things like food, medication, doctor/dental expenses, living costs, transportation, and daily expenses in general. I am not usually one to ask for help, in fact most times I will suffer in silence, but this is as much for my family as it is for me. They need a break, they deserve a break, they deserve to have some help. Since I cannot fully support myself and keep my health up at the same time anymore, and being that I don’t qualify for ANY State or Federal assistance (I have been denied every time since the age of 18) I am taking this leap of faith.

This isn’t in my normal character to ask for help, like I said…I’d usually just suffer, but I feel like this is an opportunity to shed some much needed light on things that are so rare they just don’t get as much attention as something like Cancer, or diabetes. Cystic Fibrosis is a death sentence without the right course of action, and as I keep getting sicker the clock is ticking. I want to show people that there is a way to accomplish things in life that seem like unbeatable hurdles. I want to let people see that being strong is a good thing, but if you need help asking for it can bring some people, places, or things out of the woodwork that wouldn’t usually be there. Hopefully it can be done…

So, if you know anyone in America or around the world who would be willing to help a CF patient fight this battle, and try to win their way back to healthy I am asking you to share this (my) story with them. I am going to do everything I can to get myself back to being in control, and I am going to document the process of going from sick —> not so sick —> damn that guy has Cystic Fibrosis?? I want to win this battle, but I need some help to do so…and, asking that is very hard for me.

I am reluctant to ask this, I know it’s kind of a strange request. But, I want to be able to say I did EVERYTHING possible to come out on top of this. To beat the odds is not going to be easy, but with some assistance I think I can do it! Thank you for taking the time to read this, just taking the time to read it means a lot to me. Any recommendation’s, question’s, suggestion’s are welcomed with open arms and a full heart…

Living, not just Surviving.

Saturday morning…wake up, stretch, enjoy the fact that it’s the weekend, is there any better feeling after a long week? I don’t think so, and as I sit here typing  and listening to music with some college basketball in the background I revel in the joy simple things can bring. That is one of the hardest things I’ve come to discover about CF, is that if you don’t live when you can, you will only survive…and that isn’t any good at all. Sadly I’ve had times where I’m just surviving, but I’ve come to a point where I was so stressed, tired, angry, sad, depressed, everything was hell! Several years ago it hit me like a ton of bricks with razors embedded in them. I decided right then and there that was not going to be my mindset going forward. After a doctor appointment with my amazing head shrink I did it! I literally just quit with all the negativity, the yelling, the being mad, the hate, and the distrust in life. I walked out about 20 steps outside the building and that was it, I was done being miserable!

Now, please don’t get me wrong, life for me isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination…it’s hard, it sucks, it makes me want to freak out. However, I now have control over my mental faculties to a point where I can be miserable all day, and still enjoy a drink, a good conversation, movie, book, anything…It is an amazing weight lifted, I was always walking around in a toxic head state. After having a few years of rational, reality based thoughts, and not losing my shit every time something happens I am in a much better place in general, but more specifically mentally I am solid. So, in my current situation, I deal with the same “problems,” I just handle them 50x better, and it’s amazing how it changes your outlook, your perception of life. It was a damn hard thing to accomplish, but it was worth the time, effort, self-doubt, self-loathing even to get to where I am now. If I hadn’t gotten better I would probably not be here anymore…which is weird to think that would’ve been what brought me down.

Anyways…lol…but, feeling better about life is a good thing no matter how far gone you seem it’s always possible to gather up your broken parts, put them together, and move forward. I did it, and so can you! I won’t be simple, straightforward, quick, or any form of basic nonchalance you can think of. In the end though it will be worth it, you’ll look back and smile at how far you’ve come. I believe all of us can attain our happy place in life, and with a little help from people with knowledge and experience it is absolutely able to be done. Having said that, if anyone whos reading this needs, or knows someone who needs a little bit of help/guidance please don’t hesitate to ask me…that’s is the point of my attempt at this site, and blog. I want to be there for the people who feel like there is nowhere else to turn and nothing good in sight…no light at the end of the tunnel is a horrid feeling. Please, do not feel like you’re alone, you aren’t and I would love to help you understand that. Lets change our perspective’s and be happy!! Hopefully everyone is having a great weekend, and enjoy the rest of it to the fullest!

CF Life tip of the day: Do not compare yourself to people who aren’t walking in your shoes, or who have never walked in shoes like yours…Trying to fit in is just human nature, but be happy with your place in life and find the places, people, and activities that make you the person you want to be. It pays dividends to be happy being YOU.

CF Life Body Hack # 2: As soon as you wake up drink a half-bottle of water before you do anything else, and then use the rest to take your morning meds, after that slam something nutritious into your stomach (yogurt, fruit, crackers, smoothie/milkshake) something you enjoy enough to use it most days. The water will lubricate your system, and loosen up mucus. The nutrition will give you the needed energy to get your day going while you tough out the difficult stuff (coughing, hacking, bathroom, etc.)