Damn!

Well, its been a while since I’ve made a post, been having a pretty hard time recently.

We had to take my dog to the vet the other day, she’s had cancer and had a tumor…we were given a diagnosis a year ago that she’d only be able to go for 2 months, we had her for an additional 14, and without any pain we were comfortable having her stay with us…as the vet put it “she doesn’t know she’s sick, so as long as she isn’t in pain, she’ll be fine.”

So, we brought her home started feeding her only home cooked food, and making sure she got lots of extra outside time and loving, well it paid off and I got to have my sweet girl around for a while longer…but, as I didn’t want to have her be in any pain at all, the second I realized she was having pain we took her into the vet, and they confirmed the suspicion, so we did the humane thing, and didn’t keep her around being in pain.

As I was saying goodbye and tears were streaming down my face and onto her greying hair, I thought about all the times I had cried into her fur and she always laid right there and allowed me to release my pain with no judgement, especially when I had no one else around. She was an angel…that’s for sure.

Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things ive ever done, but it was her time, I do miss her every second of everyday though, especially when she would be on my heels, and now she isn’t…im still having bouts of crying and missing her next to me.

In time I may get another dog, but not right now. Being a CF patient brings with it a lot of weird things regular people just won’t ever have to think about…I honestly thought I wouldn’t be here without her. Going through the shit I go through without her is miserable, and I have to remember to keep my head up where before she would bring a smile to my face.

I miss her…